10 things not to do when you’re online dating

What to avoid when you’re looking for love online.

1. Get your hopes up.Online dating: it’s just like buying shoes (Picture: PA)Looking for a partner online is like looking for shoes online. You might find a good pair but you’ve got a better chance of finding the right fit on the high street, where you can see them in bright light from all angles. Though sadly you’re probably more likely to find a man in a pub than Kurt Geiger.

2. Post a 20-year-old photo of yourself when you were slimmer, more attractive and had all your hair. If his profile picture looks like this, you may be in for disappointment (Picture: AP)Don’t despair – out there somewhere is another overweight 50-year-old dying to meet you. Do not waste everyone’s time by arranging a date with a 20-year-old with some kind of deluded plan to win them over. You will not win them over. You will leave them with the belief that all online daters are pathological liars who look like Shane MacGowan but own magical mirrors reflecting Ryan Gosling.

3. Post a load of pictures doing adrenaline sports.We can’t see your face! (Picture: Alamy)I revert to point 1. Kurt Geiger doesn’t post pictures of its shoes jumping out of a plane, deep sea diving or going to a fancy dress party with 3,000 friends. You can’t see the shoes very well, can you?

4. In fact, post any pictures without getting a member of the opposite sex to vet them. This is not a good profile pic. (Picture: AP)What says ‘fun’ to you may say ‘Jack Torrance in The Shining’ to them. What says ‘flirty’ to you may say ‘sex pest’ to them. Go through your photos and ask yourself ‘do I look like a normal human being in these?’ If you wouldn’t send them to a prospective employer don’t send them to a prospective partner.

5. Lie about your height.Be honest about your height (Picture: AP)Actually go to the gym and get measured. Oh look, you aren’t 6ft, you’re actually 5ft 4. Yes, this is important (see point 2).

6. If you’re a woman, worry too much about what you’ve written.Excessive use of LOL should be avoided.As long as you’ve drafted a rough outline of things you like and have nice photos, you will get asked out. If you’re a man, spend longer on what you’ve written. Why would someone reply to a person who can’t differentiate between there, they’re and their?

7. Forget to tell a friend where you’re going, what time, his number etc every time you go on a date.Always tell a friend where you’re going. (Picture: PA)Safety first.

8. Forget your manners.Don’t expect everything to be paid for. (Picture: supplied)It’s fine to split a food bill but it’s rude not to buy a drink. If you can’t afford £2.50 for a flat white you should be working, not dating. This applies to both sexes.

9. Rant.Probably not a good idea to rant about your political ideologies on your first date. (Picture: REUTERS)Well, you can, but don’t be surprised if you don’t get a second date after giving a veggie a point by point explanation of why they should eat meat.

10. Take it too seriously.Don’t take it too seriously. (Picture: Reuters)Life, like many men online, is just too short.

Javier
 

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