I Need a Baby Whisperer

I am exhausted. For the past three weeks now Zhen has been on a backwards schedule. Instead of sleeping at night and being awake during the morning/midday hours, she stays up very late and sleeps through the morning. I’m talking 3 to 5 a.m. late.

I’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to work. I’ve tried rocking her to sleep, giving her warm bottle, playing soft music, laying down beside her. I’ve even tried letting her cry it out because I figured she may be having trouble falling asleep on her own now that she’s a little older.

Nope. Nada. Nothing is working. She just cries or wants to stay up and eventually tires out after 5 a.m.

Staying up until it’s a new day and seeing the sun rise is not fun to me at all. It makes me feel nauseous and weird. It’s strange seeing my husband go to bed at night and then wake up in the morning for work. I feel like I’m stuck in The Twilight Zone.

My mom asked me if I thought maybe Zhen was teething and perhaps this is why she has trouble sleeping at night. I checked. She’s not. Could she be sick? Nope. She’s had a cold the past three days, but her new sleeping habits have been going on for a few weeks. So it’s definitely not the cold.

Yesterday she tried to sleep around 2 a.m., but she woke up crying. I rocked her back to sleep, put her down, and 20 minutes later she woke up crying again. This continued 3 more times. I’m not sure if she had a bad dream or what. My husband suggested maybe she senses I’ve left the room and she doesn’t like being by herself anymore.

Tonight she went to bed around 1 a.m. (very early compared to when she’s been going to bed). I have her sleeping in the living room with me because I’m afraid she’ll wake up if her put her in her crib upstairs.

Why am I still up? Because Zhen has been staying up so late it’s now hard for me to go to sleep. I feel tired, but I am having trouble sleeping. I think I am on alert, afraid she will wake up crying.

I can’t help but feel a little angry as I watch my husband sleeping soundly while I try to calm Zhen and get her to sleep. Sitting next to someone who is sleeping while you’re lacking a good night’s rest is beyond maddening. It makes me want to scream. Sometimes I wonder if I were the one who had to leave for work in the mornings, would he still get up in the middle of the night and sit with the baby?

And then there’s the guilt. I try my very best to remain patient and understanding. I try to be loving and nurturing. But sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t understand why she won’t sleep. I don’t understand why she keeps waking up crying. So I feel guilty for feeling frustrated and feeling slightly selfish because I just want to rest. I keep reminding myself Zhen’s also struggling because she is restless and she is clearly upset because she’s crying.

This is the part of being a stay-at-home-parent that sucks. I know there are many good things about being the parent at home, but right now I’m a little grouchy and feeling sorry for myself. I’m on edge. Weird schedules, a fussy baby, and sleepless nights will do that to ya. And I’m 95% sure in about 10 minutes Zhen is going to wake up again crying.

Wonderful.